Mindfulness is so much more than the breath (and how it can help you cope as a parent)

Discover how mindfulness can support your wellbeing as you parent.

One of the many myths I continue to see about Mindfulness is that it is just about the breath. How many times have we heard “just take a breath”. When you are a stressed and overwhelmed parent and someone says to you “just breathe” it feels impossible. That was me too, and on alot of days I felt I was holding my breath, on high alert and ready to put out the next fire.When I heard an instagram live discussion about how Mindfulness could support me as parent of an anxious child I was initially unconvinced but what I soon discovered that it wasn’t just a quick hack and most certainly it wasn’t all about the breath.

This blog will detail how Mindfulness is so much more than the breath and how it can help you cope as a parent.

A way to anchor your attention and respond to a busy mind

As parents when we are stressed and overwhelmed we are consumed by our thoughts. Following our thoughts into the future and past and replaying conversations.

Mindfulness at its simplest is presence. Noticing and being with the senses and we can do this in the ordinary moments in the day. We can practice anchoring our attention when we have the first cup of tea in the morning. Noticing the warmth of the mug, the smell and the taste of the tea. When the mind moves to thoughts we can say “not happening now”, let the thought down and refocus our attention on noticing the cup of tea. Everyday activities of folding the laundry or taking a shower help us to break the cycle of thoughts and allow our body and mind to feel a little steadier.

A way to allow our feelings that helps with emotional regulation

Name it to tame it is a strategy from the wonderful Dr Dan Siegel. Illustrating to us that when we acknowledge and name our feelings it helps our emotional regulation. Stopping, listening, allowing and then meeting what we experience with a kind action. A helpful exercise is to take a pen and paper and jot down what you are feeling and then ask yourself, “what do I need”?. Mindfulness is a space for inner reflection. Rather than pushing down and trying to get rid of feelings it is about allowing what is coming up for us in the here and now, loosening the grip that feelings can hold over us.

A way to respond to thoughts rather than letting them consume you

The thinking mind creates tension and sends us in a spin. Mindfulness is a coping tool to help us cultivate the skill of noticing thoughts and creating space between ourselves and our thoughts. Healthy responding to thoughts rather than feeling trapped which leads to stress, overwhelm and the feeling that we can’t cope. The first day of managing my life better started when I heard this “you are not your thoughts”. Let’s be honest it can sound a bit woo and out there especially if you are losing sleep as you follow your thoughts, worrying about the future and ruminating.

Keep reading to the end because I have something for you this September that will step you through how to respond to the consuming thoughts.Mindfulness practice allows you to let the thought go and not take it on as a fact, helping you cope so much better as a parent.

A way to steady you when stress levels are rising as you parent

Life can be stressful when we are taking care of kids while we are working and managing a house. Mindfulness reminds us to bring in the pause to our day even if it is just for a minute or two. One of the helpful pause practices is “STOP”.

• S is for standstill

• T is for take a breath or two, breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth (eyes closed or open)

• O is for observe how you feel, scan the body and check in with the mind. Is stress taking you over?

• P is for proceed and choose your next action with intention and awareness. By pausing you now have an awareness of what action you can take to support you (it could be as simple as a glass of water, to step outside or to ask for some help)

Let’s talk about the breath

Fight, flight and freeze are the three automatic stress responses your nervous system uses to protect you when it senses danger. The same survival responses can be triggered in our everyday parenting situations. Parents who are stressed and overwhelmed can become stuck in a very heightened sense of fight, flight and freeze. Which is not good for our bodies, increasing cortisol, blood pressure and breathing rate.

Mindfulness is a coping tool that brings the nervous system back to safety. Traditional Mindfulness practice is not about changing the breath. It is about noticing it and not changing it. Regular practice has multiple benefits including stress reduction and lowering anxiety.

When we are anxious as parents it is useful to bring attention to our breathing and activate it. Diaphragmatic breathing or slow breathing is where the outbreath is longer than the inbreath such as 7:11 breathing which activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the rest and digest system, which helps us feel calm, grounded and safe. When we are stressed and overwhelmed as parents we are caught up in our minds. We take short and shallow breaths. Taking longer deeper breaths sends signals to the body that you are safe.

Box Breathing is an example of another technique to calm your mind and relax your nervous system. It can fit easily into your busy day. To the count of 4 you inhale,hold,exhale and hold.

Mindfulness is so much more than “just take a breath”. It is a practical tool for life to calm the nervous system, reduce emotional reactivity and help cultivate resilience.I’ve seen the life changing impacts in both my own life when I was stressed and overwhelmed and the lives of parents I help and support.

Mindfulness helps you

• Sleep better and wake up feeling rested

• Speak kindly to yourself with a new way to respond to the inner critic

• Pause and recognise stress before it overtakes you

• Be steady to handle parenting challenges

• Take rest without feeling guilty

Mindfulness is a way of being. It is not grasped through understanding it intellectually, it is through doing. You’ll only believe it when you see it first hand in your own life and experience how it support you to respond to stress and overwhelm as you parent.

I have the perfect way to experience Mindfulness through my current offering Sit down with me this September.

September is hard. It’s not all new beginnings that we walk into with ease it can be messy and exhausting. As a mum of 4, I get it. I often see for parents (and myself included) that our healthy habits can slip when we are focussed so much on our kids that we neglect ourselves, really at the time that we need them the most.

Learning how to use Mindfulness is one of those habits that can help us through when it all feels too much. When physical and mental energy feels depleted let us start with small steps together.

This is for parents who want to release tension, respond to a busy mind, are tired of the critical voice taking over and want to come to a space where they can close the door and take care of themselves in a new way. At the end of each session you will leave with a short practice or tool that you can easily fit into your busy day.

If you would like to explore further how I can help you to cope as you parent when you are stressed and overwhelmed you can click the button below to book a free call and I will walk you through how I can support you individually. 👇

I’m Lynn McLoughlin a Mindfulness Coach.

I help parents feel calm, connected and confident. Moving them from being overwhelmed and stressed.

Enabling them to quieten down the self-criticism and judgement replacing it with a kinder inner dialogue.

Supporting them to create a life that feels centered and grounded.

Guiding them to cultivate more energy, rest, resilience and confidence to handle parenting challenges.